Stakes
I considered the options, calculated the stakes, weighed the risks. Took a chance. Made a bet, and lost.
Today, I voluntarily cancelled my holidays. My much longed-for, dreamt of days off 23rd-30th November.
From a rational standpoint, considering all factors, cancelling my holidays makes sense. This is the inflection point of a constrained optimisation given all the variables and inputs.
Except that I am so much of a girl some times. I placed a disproportionate weight on one factor. I had cancelled my holidays mainly in the hope that I would obtain outcome X, but had concluded that even if outcome X did not materialise, I would be better off anyway. And so I told myself I would not be disappointed.
But I was. I had bet and lost. And I had to pretend I was happy. To hide my deep disappointment. Because suddenly, the thought of having to stay on four more weeks without a break seemed unbearable, not if I wasn't getting what I hope for. And yet, I could not have expected more. Given that I had a shot at it, that the ex ante probablity of obtaining the desired outcome was Pr(E(x))>0, I could not have made a more rational and economic choice.
After struggling with it for a while, I reconciled myself to it. I congratulated myself on making the (rare) logical and rational decision. Taking calculated risks is important in life, and learning that I don't always get take my way and risks do not always reward is a difficult lesson that I must learn in the process of growing up.
Apparently though, everyone was shocked (even Ulysses, who was "very surprised") and thought I was crazy. Maybe.
Logic 1, Emotion 0; Ambition 1, Work-life balance 0; Initiative 0, Desire for harmony 1
Note to self: learn to be tougher, play hardball, speak up, stand up for self
Today, I voluntarily cancelled my holidays. My much longed-for, dreamt of days off 23rd-30th November.
From a rational standpoint, considering all factors, cancelling my holidays makes sense. This is the inflection point of a constrained optimisation given all the variables and inputs.
Except that I am so much of a girl some times. I placed a disproportionate weight on one factor. I had cancelled my holidays mainly in the hope that I would obtain outcome X, but had concluded that even if outcome X did not materialise, I would be better off anyway. And so I told myself I would not be disappointed.
But I was. I had bet and lost. And I had to pretend I was happy. To hide my deep disappointment. Because suddenly, the thought of having to stay on four more weeks without a break seemed unbearable, not if I wasn't getting what I hope for. And yet, I could not have expected more. Given that I had a shot at it, that the ex ante probablity of obtaining the desired outcome was Pr(E(x))>0, I could not have made a more rational and economic choice.
After struggling with it for a while, I reconciled myself to it. I congratulated myself on making the (rare) logical and rational decision. Taking calculated risks is important in life, and learning that I don't always get take my way and risks do not always reward is a difficult lesson that I must learn in the process of growing up.
Apparently though, everyone was shocked (even Ulysses, who was "very surprised") and thought I was crazy. Maybe.
Logic 1, Emotion 0; Ambition 1, Work-life balance 0; Initiative 0, Desire for harmony 1
Note to self: learn to be tougher, play hardball, speak up, stand up for self
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home